:+:doubt_of_love:+:

2010-11-09T01:50:00.002+08:00

Will Be Back.

This blog of mine is currently dead.
too busy to blog
but not gonna close the blog down
will be back when the time is right.
anything you want to know, JUST ASK ME!
hehe cya...

2010-09-14T15:55:00.002+08:00

Letting Go.

i cried not bcoz she slap me
i cried bcoz i feel so heart aches
all those waiting
i know they care
espically daddy...

but im independent enough
yet they hold me back like a little girl
once i make decision for myself
they just felt that i had changed
they felt they i turned bad
do they understand i had learned
yet they had not?

2010-07-26T01:26:00.003+08:00

Confused State Of Mind.

first day working in liang court outlet
i dunno to laugh or to cry
less tiring for me
but i miss city square outlet, or rather....
heard that there will be switch in stuff
got a feeling something bad is happening
feeling so fuckup that i just couldn explain
can someone just make me drunk n forget everything?

everyone could ask me why dun i just go ask him
but how could i bring it out of my mouth?
or rather im afraid of the answer
afriad of him telling me he attached
afriad of him telling me it all a joke
i could only tell myself to go with the flow and wait...
heaven always like to make fun of me
who ever i attracted wont end up together
really hope this time round it will be different
just for once please...

2010-07-19T22:48:00.004+08:00

Worst Blue-Black Ever Had.

having wound all over body

blueblack on both knee

fourth toe is been numb for like one week

and backache the whole week

im seriously tired and it just feel shitty.

sweet talk or serious?!
i no longer figure that out
in a confused state of mind
only waiting for the answer to reveal
if he was to joke around about such thing
will i hate him?

They say guy who sweet talk cant be trust
maybe i should just ignore and laugh it off...

2010-07-14T23:23:00.002+08:00

Never Take It Too Seriously

it almost three month since i start working there
maybe i should not take that job too seriously
working to the extend that im call workaholic
thinking that it the happiest job
but this week
at this moment
i got the sudden thought of maybe i should find a new job.

things change like always
everytime i told myself to let go
i could stand strongly and let go
but this time round
will it still be possible the same?

im bored till im tired
never want to lead this kind of life
just hope this week pass asap
and next week will be back as normal...

2010-06-30T23:52:00.000+08:00

Feeling Forsaken.

feeling so bad recently
feeling that i just dun fit in anywhere.
times and times,
i just sat in a corner
hoping someone will find me
but it never happen.
Am i just so invisible that people took me for granted?
or am i so bad that i dun deserve to be notice?

Money is not the condition i choose a guy
it the heart and character that matter
if you are just joking around,
then dun tell me such thing.
if you are making fun of me bcoz you dislike me,
then please leave me alone.
your words leave butterflies in my stomach.

2010-06-02T18:55:00.002+08:00

Give Me Back My Ice-Cream.

*sob sob*
at the age of four, i dropped the ice-cream.
fifteen years later, i dropped the same ice-cream.

standing there looking at the ice-cream
just like what it happened back then
i want to cry inside
ice-cream just turn me back into a little girl.

things are weird nowadays
whatever flash in my mind just happen
just like i was thinking i might drop the ice-cream
and it dropped! haix...
i want a boyfriend, will it happen?
haha kidding...

anyway five more days to getting my pay!
cant wait to go shopping...
and remember to meet up girls=]

2010-05-09T23:51:00.003+08:00

Happy Mother's Day

long time never blog already
this blog is been abandon
too busy with fyp and work
dun even have time to think

wound, cut, body ache,
just want to have some rest
sudden thought of having a shoulder to lean on
but who will want to be the one? haix...

anyway "Saizeriya" is hiring people
interview at city square mall B2
come work with me if you want=]

命运好幽默让爱的人都沉默

回忆如困兽寂寞太久而渐渐温柔

2010-03-27T23:29:00.003+08:00

went to tao payoh for first day of work
meet some cazy auntie on the way there
was on bus 153 with yanhui
when this kns auntie was talking loudly to the stranger beside her
later on she was complainting loudly on her phone

i was telling yanhui to keep a look out incase we missed the stop
just then the auntie turn around and scolded us!!!

[in hokkien]
Auntie: 下，下，下，cb啦一直讲话 ... 穿到这样红，脱光光啦! (stare*)
Me: Bus 又不是你的! (diao her*)
Auntie: 去读你的死书啦，等一下我报警! (stare somemore*)

cant stand this type of people
so angry until want to slap her...
she herself was talking so loud
so what right she got to stop people from talking?
people wear what colour also your business izzit?
if you dun like people talking then dun take PUBLIC bus la!

first day of work meet kns people
cause my mood to be so spoiled !!!

2010-03-10T23:34:00.000+08:00

Where Do I Really Belong?

after living for eighteen years
then you found out that you might not belong
how is that possible?

even if the blood type dun match
even if im not their child
i rather i did not know anything
let it stay as what it is now...

2010-02-02T23:38:00.005+08:00

Putting Up A Brave Front, Pretending Nothing Had Happen.

damn bad mood today
shall not go into details
but i will get over it soon
like how it used to be...

maybe i was wrong
but i shall not get regret over my decision
from the day you made assumption on me
i guess it all over
you will never know what is wrong
unless you really understand me
but it doesn matter anymore...

The name i once loved in my life

Has becoming further and further away from me

2010-01-11T22:11:00.004+08:00

He Pull Me Up High And Let Me Fall Again.

Now i understand what it mean
some people just dun take the hints
reading my blog and making assumption?!
they will only realized when you say it right in front of them...

he step right into my life
taking a part in the finally peaceful life of mine
consider was made over and over
when i finally decided to step in once more
but he choose to give up

Dun say that i was the one that change
dun say that i never give any chance
the choice is yours to make...

I dun care he see this or not

But i am very disappointed that i wanted to cry

I never wanna fall again.

2010-01-04T21:08:00.005+08:00

Im Confused hence I Cant.

sleepless night.
lost of appetite.
blank mind.

whenever i try to consider,
irritation started and i just gave up.
if only he was nearer,
but he is so far away.

school reopen today,
didn had enough rest during the holiday.
monday blues plus mind shut down
it drive me crazy if this goes on
i just want everything to be good this year round.

2009-12-22T23:37:00.003+08:00

it been countless days since i blog
been too busy with stuff
not that i have something to blog about anyway

having three weeks of holiday
been so busy and there is not enough time to rest!

this week schedule was so packed...
23/12/09 ~ down to bedok with mother
24/12/09 ~ swimming lesson
25/12/09 ~ got a booking with the hair salon
26/12/09 ~ cousin's wedding [whole day busy]
27/12/09 ~ shopping time...

anyway i still find some time or before holiday end
so tell me beforehand if wanna meet...

PS: Christmas present might be deliver late, so sorry!=]

话总说不清楚该怎么明了

一字一句像圈套

旧帐总翻不完谁无理取闹

你的双手甩开刚好的微妙

Im living my life to the fullest .

2009-11-02T22:46:00.004+08:00

five weeks since reopened and still counting
holiday is still a long way from here
but i am already looking forward to it

classes was still good up to now
today lesson is about murderer and maze

Prototype and more prototype!
i am almost sick of it...
shall try to update again=]

feel like lying on a big field

looking at the dark sky

anyone will accompany me?

2009-10-20T00:04:00.006+08:00

It been 2 week since school reopened
i had already pon 2 days last week.

The new classes was not as bad as i thought
get to see some different faces for each lesson
and the lesson was fun in a way
but i just had no mood for school...
every day, every minute, every second,
the thought of ponning is always there!

anyway my proposal got accept!
the module chair i kind of irritated of my asking
that he stated that this is a design school not a fine art school lol
but i finish it with the help of some friends anyway=]

我应该习惯你离去的眼神

才能让失去你变的更完整

2009-10-02T19:26:00.002+08:00

it was long since i last posted
almost forgotten this blog exist.

was woken up early 8am in the morning
because mummy spoil her slipper
so had to bring another slipper for her.
after which she decided to bring me for a hair cut
to make up my lost of sleep lol...
i ended up sitting at the salon for 6 hours
and spending 310 dollar...

School reopening in 2 days time
althought holiday was shitty
but was still reluctant to go back school.

my result was finally out and i failed!!!
got 1.96 GPA when i did went to school
i might as well start ponning school again
it is the same anyway lol...

你是无形的伤口

落入眼里想哭却没有眼泪

Although there is nothing to aim for

but i wont give up anymore

i chosen a different life:)

2009-08-23T19:06:00.000+08:00

Heaven Had Create A Miracle For Me.

On the stormy night yesterday
while laying on my bed,
looking at the pinkish sky,
i pray for a miracle to happen.

problems had been happening recently
and a miracle had finally appeared,
even i myself cant believe it.
Thanks heaven, thanks god.

Only tears are able to express
how much i love the sky.

2009-08-17T20:17:00.000+08:00

long time since i updated
it was today that i remember the existence of my blog.

sore throat and headache had been knocking on me
hence it got me the motivation to skip school today=]

went AMK hub TWICE with mummy.
first, for a shopping spree
which i bought a dress, a blouse n a handphone case.
second, for renewing father insurance
we waited for 2 hours just to get it renew
because their system was super lagging
all their computer really need to be fixed.

lastly we met up with father for dinner
before reaching home minutes ago...
i shall updated again soon=]

2009-07-16T17:57:00.002+08:00

Ugliness Behind Those Happiness.

i am seriously stuck again this time
problem are always solve when time come
will this time be the same again?

hating myself from been weak infront of her
those tears cant seem to control themselves
bursting everything out from deep down
requesting my full independent...

protesting that it not your fault
saying that it not enough at all
complainting he took too much
but did you bother to find out why he need that much?

those scenes are forever in my head
playing itself times and times again
if i ever find out history repeat itself again
i swear to break off relationship with you
and leave this bloody house...

2009-07-13T20:52:00.004+08:00

His Smile Brighten Up My Day.

finally went to cousin work place again!
was really glad that people still remember me
someone even ask why i was not there for the past two days.

there is this guy who smile brighten up my day...
i was sleepy drinking my iced coffee
when this guy walk in slowly
but when he saw me,
he smile widely and walk toward me to buy things.
it was then i remember he been buying things from me
since the first day cousin start selling
and honestly speaking he look quite good looking too lol...
although it was only 7plus in the morning
but seeing his smile really brighten the rest of my day=]

i was thinking of starting my own business
maybe after i finish poly
should i or should i not?
i cant wait for that day to come=]

Seeing the smile on their faces,

bring me joy that i had never had.

2009-07-09T21:47:00.002+08:00

first day back to school and was feeling like shit...
took a self-declare one week break from school since last friday.
went to help out my cousin business
while he was away on reservices.

facing the customers was much more better than facing the faci
although i woke up on 5am every morning
but i didn even complaint once.
at least i finally realize something over this one week
i know what i am looking for
and i was hoping to find back myself...
it was all worth the ponning of school=]

anyway i find one of the custome look like Young Saeng
and he got a super nice tatoo on his neck;
there another customer that look like Jung Min too lol...
i seriously cant wait to go back there again=]

2009-06-27T22:22:00.007+08:00

once one decided to stop

one never start again...

the confident that once had was gone

would anyone want to go back with me?

it was long time since i blog

not that i was lazy this time

but i guess it was to think a bit...

should one stay in the past

or should one always move forward?

what if i am moving forward but i do not like the one i am now?

anyway there is something to be happy abt

bcoz i finally got a new phone

not exactly the latest model

but it is still the one i want anyway...

shall blog again if i feel like it. LoL

maybe when i found out my answer...

结果有好有坏

答案最后一分钟才解开

PS: i am think of having a chalet at end of the year,

anyone want to contribute let me know ok=]

2009-06-03T18:12:00.000+08:00

Goal Derive From Boredom.

Droplets hitting on the glasses
Blurring the image in front of you,
When the water flow
You see the clearer image of what happening.

It been long since I last blog
sorry reader for not updating
I been too occupied with my life=]

I want to learn dance!
I want to learn Korean language!

Guess that boredom is killing me
but the urge to learn is strong this time
maybe will learn of it first
at least i settle myself on something. Cheers!

Currently having two week of holiday
hope to slim down again
before returning back to school
i am working on it...
Wish me luck! =]

PS: Shall update again...soon...

You let me know...

我已彻底放你走

你现在已经自由

我不会为你掉眼泪

我是真的放开了

2009-05-05T20:10:00.002+08:00

long time since i update
damn busy and piss off recently
some people just dunno how childish they are
when they are the ones creating trouble
they turn around and accuse it was the other party fault
do you really think people are so free to play this kind of childish game with you?

go and think about it...
who is the one who make a big fuss out of this small matter?

but since you want to start this game
then i wont back down either
instead i will make sure you lose badly
bcoz i know you are always the loser...

PS: anyway...i guess you must had mind how ugly ur gf look,
if not you wont mind what other people say and make a big fuss.

going to sch was so troublesome recently
bcoz of the swine flu...
had to tap card to enter campus
and bring termometer if not fine five dollar....

lesson was good as usual today...
it end around 3plus
then yuki came to RP to meet us
before going to CWP for dinner with wenxi...
shall meet up again for shopping. cheers!

2009-04-20T12:43:00.001+08:00

Back To Class Once More.

after 3 month of rotting at home
school finally reopen today...
class was not as bad as i think
new faces, new faci, new start.

class was gd, lesson was shitty!
first day of sch and i am ask to draw
n my drawing suck...wtf la
reali regret taking the course...

拥有一次的经验已经足够了

历史请不要从演

2009-02-15T14:03:00.003+08:00

sometime when you ar just trying to help
people instead turn n point their finger at you
accusing you when they know nothing at all

you people can say i purposely meet up with SM ytd
you people can say i purposely ask SM to stay overnight
you people can accuse us for whatever we do
but you people will never know what going on with your daughter life
bcoz you people dun even bother to care!

i dun understand why some people are so unwillingly
even when they get the benefit in the end.
just bcoz they are lazy to do something
just bcoz they are unhappy even ask to do something
they turn around n point their finger at other
accusing other when people are just trying to help

人不要做得太过分
你们是长辈所以我尊重你们
但那不代表你们可以诬赖我

Thank yuki and SM for accompany me ytd.
Happy valentine day everyone=]

To SM:
Do not trust people unless you are sure they are worth it,
look around and you will know what going on. Good luck girl!

我讨厌人类虚假与背叛
就连我自己也一样讨厌

2009-02-12T20:15:00.005+08:00

On this particular day one year ago,

she fall in deeply.

On this particlar day this year,

she is happy that she had got out of it.

"She want to change for the better"

it had been so long since i last post.

my holiday is all spoiled now

all thanks to my bro.

bought him to hospital for his appointment today

was expecting that he could remove his bandage

but it got worst instead...

change from bandage to scotchcast!

just hope his leg can heal faster...

so that i can at least get out the house!

2009-01-29T23:51:00.001+08:00

words written in post are for me to express my thoughts
and for anyone to read.
no matter it is meaningful words or daily route,
names are not stated
bcoz i dun find a need to,
or rather piracy involve.

sometime i may be targeting at someone,
sometime i can be targeting at anyone,
or sometime i might even be targeting at no one.

so i hope there will not be any misunderstandings
and i sincerely apologized if there is any misunderstandings caused.

2009-01-29T23:37:00.005+08:00

had a super unlucky plus embarrasing day today
meet yuki at orchard
and i was late again...
we walk around before heading to vivo for movie
bought our ticket for 7pm show,"the wedding game"
after which that when the most unlucky n embarrase thing happen.

half way while we are queuing to buy popcorn,
it was then i reliase i left my handphone in the toliet!
so i rush back to the toliet
but out of hurry, i went to the wrong toliet!
lucky there is no one when i went in,
if not i can just hope i will just die on the spot.
so i rush back out to the RIGHT toliet
but i couldn find my phone...

so i went back to the cinema to find yuki
tat when yuki handed my handphone to me!
bcoz yuki was the last person i called
and a malay guy call yuki to collect the lost phone.
i swear it was the most embarrasing day of my life la!
but at least i was lucky enough to meet a kind hearted person who return
back my lost phone, many thanks to tat guy!

we finish watching the show at 9pm
the movie was still acceptable
average story plot with some laughable part...

after tat we headed to bugis
bcoz none of us wanted to go home so early
but we reach there to find all the shop closing
so we had no choice but to went home...

我把我自己傻傻困着

但是时候解开自己了

Time to be free once more=]

2009-01-27T22:31:00.005+08:00

~*郭采洁 - I Remember*~

do you know that I'm OK?

are there things you wanna say?

thinking of you night and day

hopping you'll come back and stay

I remember when you told me

I'll be all right

don't worry

I try and try to understand

is all this just a sad good bye?

thinking of you night and day

no matter if you'll come and stay

I remember when you told me

I'll be all right just hold me

I don't wanna close my eyes tonight

missing you make me cry

your love will give me strengths to carry on

you'll always be my heart and mind

so I don't wanna close my eyes tonight

I know it’s just a miss match in time

why ~ oh ~ why

miss match in time

I try and try to understand

is all this just a sad good bye?

thinking of you night and day

no matter if you'll come and stay

I remember when you told me

I'll be all right just hold me

So I don't wanna close my eyes tonight

missing you make me cry

your love will give me strengths to carry on

you'll always be my heart and mind

So I don't wanna close my eyes tonight

I know it’s just a miss match in time

why ~ oh ~ why

don't wanna close my eyes tonight

Nice Song. Meaningful lyrics. Addicted listening.

2009-01-27T17:30:00.007+08:00

few days never post le

been so busy preparing for CNY

almost everyday is never ending shopping...

after several nagging and scolding from mother

i finally clean and pack my room!!!

this is my room before packing...

this is my room after packing...

this is the first time i find my room in such a pathetic state

it took me 5 hrs to pack everything

together with countless amount of tissue i use

all bcoz of my unbearable sensitive nose which sneeze nonstop...

been looking for new skin for this blog...

shld i change the skin?

hopefully i can find a nice skin which suit...cya!

2009-01-18T21:26:00.004+08:00

I Just Don't Understand Anymore.

She fucking hope she can die on chinese new year eve
so that everyone would not not have to celebrate.
I fucking hope i can die in my sleep tonight
so that i do not have to tolerate any fucking nonsense anymore!

Bringing everything upon yourself,
with the choices you made.
When it dun turn out what you expected,
bloody word came out of your mouth,
venting all your anger on us.
Nothing can describe what happen anymore,
it had been such a long story
that it is draining me away.
I had never ask for anything
neither did i deserve your nonsense.
I had enough of everything,
so it is useless acting pitiful in front of me,
i will be Leaving...

我曾经相信奇迹

不相信付出的勇气却剩下伤心

我以经不能若无其事装微笑

Call me stupid if i was to believe in miracle once more.

2009-01-16T23:54:00.000+08:00

few days nvr post le

just tat i am damn lazy to post...

went to NAFA with yuki for her register today

then we went to orchard to collect the bags

that we made a reserve weeks ago

i simply love the bag!

then we when to far east plaze for desert...

had my usual "Major Crush"

n yuki had a change for "Puppy Love".

shop n walk around after that

before heading to bugis to continue shopping

then we went to Swensen for dinner

before heading home...

2009-01-12T19:37:00.013+08:00

sometime people just show up at the wrong time.
when you need someone most,
there is no one you can really rely on.
but when you are contented with your current life,
people start showing up in mass together again..

i heard enough apologises and excuses
everyone can be friends once more
but do not rank everything up again...
i had try so hard to let go
putting down the past behind to move on...
i dun want to hear
neither can i afford to hear it again
so stop reminding me of all those hurts please...

went to sch after ponning four days
wake up damn early to have breakfast
with yuki at toast box before going to school.
lesson wasnt that good today
just couldn understand anything
so i left after second meeting...

went to watch "bedtime stories" with yuki after that
nice show but environment wasnt that good
anyway thx yuki for the treat to the movie...

也许痛的感觉

证明了爱的深浅

不然为什么我还不撤退

一直忘记要离开

2009-01-09T20:48:00.002+08:00

When The Cold Wind Gush Through...

onli slept 4 hrs last night
n i woke up 5 am this morning
took a bike ride to hougang interchange...
it was super nice to ride in the morning
although it was freezing cold
those cold wind just took those thoughts away...

then i took bus down to St Anthoy.Primary again
it was better this time compare to the previous one...
was super tired as well as unlucky
kanna molested by the auntie from another stall
the last time a women touch me is that bitch...shitty la...
business was still at good n ended around 4pm
mummy came down to find us after her x-ray
den we went home together after that...

2009-01-08T19:30:00.008+08:00

It Was Until That I Realised...

going back into memory lane this days
when things start to remind me of him
people come back with his name in their mouth
asking questions i dun wish to answer
it was until someone reminder
then i realised he is not totally forgotten yet...

i thought i could,
i believe i can,
i assume i had already,
i am just so damn wrong.

what the point of asking when it is already over?
so stop asking me people...
go ask him directly if you want to know
berline shall have nothing to do with him anymore.

been skipping school for 3 days
i just had no mood for school
it make no different i go or not
had already been prepared for a retake

went for the injection today
i cant wait to leave the moment i step in
shall not mention the process
but it is just sucky...

我站在回忆的入口

蒐集我左胸口暴走的寂寞

赤裸裸的失落

一目了然的痛

让我无法说泪是因为吹风

我的爱你想你都以极速向回忆暴冲

他们能看见的是虚伪的从容

2009-01-05T20:14:00.005+08:00

first day of school after three week of holiday
many things just caught me surprised today
but it was someone that caught my surprise most...
i dunno to say it is good or bad
but it just seem weird after so long
but bygones was bygones
see one step take one step ba=]

lesson was as bored as usual
the presentation was again anyhow do anyhow go
but luckily i still get some help today
was sorry that berline presentation always cannot make it...pathetic=[

wanted to go to town at first after presenting
i was hopping we can be the first team to present
but thx to brian and we got to present last instead...
maybe will pon class tml to go town
but haven decide yet..was still thinking...
I miss Major Crush!

mummy had ask me to help out the stall this friday
bcoz she had to go hospital for X-ray
which mean i get to pon school for that day
but i need the injection in order to help out...
i need to get the injection by thur
but mummy was so damn busy hai
i dun want go alone!=[

2009-01-04T13:37:00.006+08:00

Back To Memory Lane

had been listening to "fall" by The Saturdays recently.
it just got me so addicted to it
feeling l just ike the dream but in another way
i can never forget that dream, NEVER.
everything bringing me back to memory lane
where those hurt should not be mention
does it serve as an reminder?

internet had been giving me problem lately
couldn get online during night time...
some guy really know the right time to request.
talk to colin recently and he ask can we be gans again
i agree but on condition he dun ask for any patch again...
i just dun understand why he ask again
no matter it is gan or stead,
after everything i just dun see the point
i just hope he dun break his promise again, sillykor=]

stay at home whole day today
i am more or less used to the empty house
even with people at home,
sometime i learn to keep quiet unless question was ask
bcoz i dun wan to speak but with no anwser in return.
Adapt is the only word, it will never be like before.

2009-01-02T23:32:00.000+08:00

damn tiring day today
woke up 6 am just to prepare bro for sch
after sending him to sch,
i headed my way down to St. Anthony Pri
n i seriously regret going.

mummy n SM mother business was super good la
sell until out of bowl, noodle n ingredient
every minute is like war,
rushing here and there
but my other two cousin business was not that good
so they thinking of stop selling n go outside sell instead.

anyway something sucky happen.
shld not mention wat happen here
i nvr feel so watched on before
blame on those bitches n bastard people
it just make me want to leave that sch on the spot.

everything ended onli at 6pm
including cleaning up n stuff.
went for dinner before cabbing home.

back to school on mon le,
i cannot imagine how this two women handle.
thinking of ponning sch again...
i am already/still in holiday mood=]

2009-01-01T11:42:00.005+08:00

Happy New Year Everyone!

a new year with new start.
reflecting back,
i nvr quite believed i made through 2008
but 2009 will be better.

i decided that berline want to be independent
no longer want to depend on parents
but on condition i get back my freedom
goal had been made...
money,
love,
health,
everything.
it is a promised that is not mend to be broken.

wake up at 11am ytd
with an empty house...
was going to meet those girls later
n was hopping mummy will return me my atm card
but she went out early in the morning without telling me!

went out with those girls anyway
meet them at CP
den we went to AMK hub to have lunch...
suppose to be 5 of us
but angie had a report to rush
n jac got something cock up
so onli left 3 of us...

went orchard after lunch
shop shop walk walk
until 6pm den LLt went off to marine
den i went back to have dinner with family

although the day did not turn out the way i thought it will
but still happy to meet up with those girls. thx girls=]
didn went to Meng countdown party too
but still want to thx him for been so caring
we shall meet up soon ya=]

2008-12-31T11:24:00.007+08:00

Berline is back!

changes had been made
on the outside or even the inside
at least my mood was not tat bad anymore
thx for those who care for this period of time=]

27/12/2008
out with mummy today
pampering time!

went to salon for a change
new hair style n colour...
love my hair colour
but my fridge is too short!
it making me look nerdy somehow...a bit regret.

went shopping after that
before heading to SM house
n daddy fetch us back at night

28/12/2008
wake up damn early today
everyone was invited to uncle new house
was so reluctant to wake up
but mummy say MUST go so no choice...

reach there around 1 plus
n all uncles was there already...
stay there until 4 plus
before heading to SM house again
n daddy fetch us back again together with SM!
she came over to stay overnight=]

29/12/2008
sleep 3am last night
but drag myself off the bed
at 10am in the morning...

went out with SM around 11am.
first we went to somerest road
to make bill payment for my laptop installment...
i seriously hate hitachi more n more!
den we went to city hall after that
to get refund for the singapore flyer
but was told we can onli get the refund at downtown east instead!
so we went to meet mummy n SM mother at chinatown instead
went shopping again until 5 plus
den we went down to E.hub to get the refund
n had our dinner there before heading back home=]

30/12/2008
wake up at 12 plus
den meet mummy at hougang mall
went to return the books
n bought a new pair of heel=]

On the way to singapore flyer.

SM=]

SM stayover=]

it been the same for the pass few days

Hang out. Eat. Shop. Sleep.

spend over 500 dollar just in this few days

hope thing will still get better=]

2008-12-26T19:14:00.006+08:00

Take Me To Better Days.

haven been posting for the past 2 days
neither will i be posting for the next few days
seriously i need a break or rather a change...
i wont even be online for the next few days
so sms me if looking for me...
hopefully i will be back after 31Dec.

Looking Forward To...

2008-12-23T23:18:00.001+08:00

went out with SM into town again
was suppose to meet her at 12noon
but i overslept until 11.30am!
rush down to bedok before heading to town...

we started from far east plaze
intend to buy a hoodie or a newbie shirt...
but neither could we find the newbie shop
nor a nice hoodie for christmas present...
instead we bump into my cousin.

so we headed to wisma topman to look for top
but before i can step my foot into the shop
SM stop me saying "ehh 店里只有男的，我们两个女的很奇怪lei!"
so i say "买衣服给男朋友没有错的啦!"
before she is willing to step into topman...
bought a nice red plain top
n we walk around orchard
before headed back to bedok for dinner
n lastly back home=]

2008-12-22T19:11:00.004+08:00

Definition Of Friends.
what really is it?

between me n her...
is it wrong for me to throw my temper
or is it her fault for not thinking before posting up?
there is no more thinking of who is right n who is wrong.
it is all not important anymore
let bygones be bygones...

i admit till now i still blocking her
bcoz even when i open up the conversation
i dunno wat to say to her anymore...

she once told me:
"Don't always blame it on others when things happen. Blame it on youself instead".
but i hope tat still apply on herself...
we quarrel not bcoz of others
it is not the content tat matter
but it is the person who wrote the content tat matter to me...
Although it all doesn matter now
but i still hope she understand one day...

To someone: I didn mean anything from saying all this. Everything shall stop here from this point of time.

2008-12-20T14:47:00.004+08:00

Instrinct are so unpredictable.

sometime thing might look this way,
feel this way,
but instead it is actually it is another...

what i had pray for didn actually came through
althought i cannot confirm
but the answer i seeking for is obvious
obvious enough for me to give up now

been single for 2 month plus
surprisely the feeling to play is not there anymore
it is time to move on
but i wont let history repeat again
going to find someone who reali understand me instead
i will be waiting till i meet tat someone=P ...

Goodbye rainbow prince.

To someone:
It might be proven that your instrinct might not be right everytime bcoz it is wrong this time.
I dun regret stopping you for posting that in your blog that time.
Let bygones be bygones.

2008-12-19T23:47:00.002+08:00

onli one week had past
and i am rotting at home
wanted to go tampine mall with mummy
but i landed at home instead
bcoz i woke up so damn late this days
i rather live in those beautiful dreams=]

so i stay home and pack my room instead
today is didi birthday
so we went out for his birthday dinner
combine with my early birthday dinner
bcoz she say she is busy when time come...
in the end i bought 3 tops and 2 shorts=]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DIDI...

my memory had been so bad recently
promised to celebrate Meng ORD last sat
but i onli remember it today...so sorry!
we shld meet up another day instead=P

2008-12-17T19:57:00.004+08:00

Beautiful love in dreams, nothing in reality.

dreams had been beautiful this days
two different dreams each night
each with different guy
identity been unknown
yet beautiful love so deep
but back in the reality
there is nothing
no such beautiful love...

could i stay forever in those dreams?
or is there a guy that could give such beautiful love?

stay home all day long today
bcoz vienna came!
it been weeks since i last saw her...
she is still so that cute
except she become more smart=]

2008-12-16T23:56:00.004+08:00

The word independent pop up in my mind again
those emptiness had faded in once more
n i long to move out really soon.

i decided not to care anymore
work n enjoy are my goals
fun and money are my target
i dun belong in tat home anymore
save up so tat i can move out soon...
heard from YH the usual job is here
decided to take it up again...
history shld not repeat itself
new plans shld be draw up soon
15 more days to my day!

PS: anyone wan to work with me n YH during chinese new year tell me k=]

试着不去想你，时间会真的帮我吗?

2008-12-15T23:40:00.000+08:00

few days nvr post le

three week holiday is here

n i find myself damn lazy to post...

went bedok to find SM today

go settle some bills

before going to buy the white canvas shoes

it goes super nice with hotpink shoeslace...

i am either to get the heart sneaker

or the same canvas shoes as SM=P

after which SM stay overnight at my house

we chat all night until 5am before dropping dead...

SM creation. Her nice making of my tatty sock=P

2008-12-10T22:31:00.004+08:00

every little closeness had vanish
instead to make things better
i choose to run away
not wanting to face the slient in between
every moment just hurt
knowing he was just so near
yet seem so far away from me
maybe tat was his answer
telling me not to like him
time will slowly take things away
maybe when next semester come
thing will get better
but will i give up?

went to sch today
but was seriously not in the mood
the more i stay in class
the worst i felt
so i ended up the library...
gastic pain acted up at the wrong time
so went home around 4pm
but no one was home...

自从遇见你，我才发现爱会让人喘不过气
You took my Breath away, Boy...

2008-12-09T18:55:00.000+08:00

i am nth to you
tat why u can take me for granted lyk tis...
i tell u bcoz i trust u
n u too promised u wont say it out
but acting on ur own record
without even asking for my permission
u think u ar helping me
but do you think everyone is lyk u?

u think everyone must accept u as who u ar
but do u ever reflect on ur own character before?
not everyone can be as tolerate as me
n i got my limit too
no matter how unhappy i am
i nvr voice it out bcoz i respect u as a frenz
or even as a sister
but do u even hav any respect for me?

if i want to tell him
i would hav say it out long ago...
but i choose not to
bcoz i got my reason for not saying.
do u know u ar just trying to make me look stupid by posting tat up on ur blog?
worst of all u choose to betray me
if u ar reali my frenz
u would hav think for me on my stand.

my advice for you is to reflect on urself
u had everything just tat u nvr know
sometime changing urself doesn mean losing urself
it mean to make u a better person
take it or not is up to u
everything shld stop here
i got enough...

2008-12-08T21:42:00.003+08:00

been going out for the weekend
finally get to stay home n rest today
sprain my neck after waking up
so damn pain
till now still weird weird one

been raining the whole day
at first wanted to go bedok
to go collect money from mei to pass yuki
n also help yuki make chocolates
in the end i stay home
watching《粉紅教父小甜甜》the whole day...
i cant wait to get back sch
hope tat my neck will be fine tml
anyone wan to hav breakfast with me at toastbox tml?=]

2008-12-06T23:53:00.003+08:00

no more turning back anymore
she had decided to do it
leaving everything at home
instead she seem more happier tis way
traveling with her here n there just for one day
already make me very tired
imagine she had to do tat everyday
it just make people worry abt it...

some people ar there to push u down
but must u care so much abt wat they say?
sometime i just think u might be thinking too much
so much that u push everything to us
u can say those words infront of me
i am used to it n i dun care anymore
but pls not say it in front of didi
bcoz i wont wan him to take the same path as me
if you keep wanting to compared us to others
u will forever think we are useless
but i can be sure tat we wont make other look down upon us...
so stop making ur comparison mummy!
we ar HUMAN not THINGS!

有时候我会累
会很想放弃他
但我更怕后悔
letting me go might be a better choice daryl
find someone more worth while
it will be better than wasting ur time on me.
For me, in my eye there is onli HIM...

2008-12-05T23:04:00.002+08:00

somtime thing just wasnt wat we think
someone who i thought i can tok with
just wasnt someone i can pour out to
i rather dump everything here
than to received the same reply i always get
bcoz it made no different...

i just feel so shitty
it getting worst than ytd
n my head just hurt with tat fever...
maybe i was just dumb
i choose to gave up once more bcoz of him
but yet it was another day of ignorance
i dun even dare to tok to him
onli letting the time pass
hopping it will get back to normal...

我的心总被你悬在半空中
错过或放弃了谁
我都没有重要一点点的感觉
只要你的安慰
就算这世界说我错了
但我还是只喜欢你一个人
You are the sunshine in my life
But do you reali know?

2008-12-04T19:48:00.000+08:00

the lyrics had been playing in my mind the whole day
maybe we ar frenz
maybe we ar more
maybe it just my imagination
or maybe the person he like is my frenz...

for the whole day
his ignorance just blown me off
feeling more unwanted every second
the little closeness with him
just vanish like tis...
i dun hav the courage to walk up to him
to say wat i wan to say to him
i could just blame myself for been so useless

it been raining the whole day
rain droplets like crying tears
i wan to stand in the rain
letting those droplet drain me away
instead of putting up tat fake smile
pretending i dun care at all...
i onli hope i know why
or wat reali is wrong
just wish he will be like before...

2008-12-03T23:34:00.002+08:00

Been very tired tis few days
either lack of sleep
or something reali bother me
making me losing myself in the process

whenever the sky rain
i reali hope i can stand in the rain
letting those droplet cover those tears
draining my thought away

three time of rejections
i still choose HIM over my perfect bf
some people say i was silly to give up on such a nice guy
but in my eye there is only HIM
i dun even know whether he know i was mentioning abt HIM
even if he knew
does it mean he dun care or what?

sometime i feel lyk i am a toy to HIM
played and abandoned
onli when he is happy
then he will turn his attention to me
making me so confused n unwanted...
although he was always around
although ppl say he like me
but his motive behind his action was hard to explain...
maybe we were reali just frenz
it was me the one who think too much
maybe it is reali time for me to give up on HIM too
i cant hold on much longer BOY!
tell me what to do pls...

2008-12-02T21:14:00.002+08:00

tiring day today
onli sleep 4hrs ytd
in the end i could not even open my eyes
was late n miss the UT again
stay until second breakout then run off again...

i dun understand why so people need to get so unhappy
just bcoz i choose to make my own decision
if you do not want to think about urself
but think for others can?
i admit i phrase my words the wrong way
i say "wed can pon"
which my pon mean that i can run off half way
not mean that i can not going to sch at all
if u think that i broke my promised
then go ahead and think what u wan
i wont apologised
bcoz i just want to do something right can?

2008-12-01T22:04:00.004+08:00

Nightmares knock on my door again!
a painful on tis time round
the suffer was so much for the child n mother
just lyk in hell
both of them slowly painfully dying before my eyes
making me wake up in tears
helplessly i could onli see but could not save...

went to sch as usual
although i so dun wan to get up
cog was fun but tiring today
we had a debate n it totally drain me out
the onli thing tat caught my attention is the mention of unwanted child
the term was so familiar tat i been questioning it till now...
went home straight after sch
when mummy told me the "gd news"

i dunno why i feel so reluctant
to someone else
it will be a gd chance tat i had my freedom once again
but deep inside i knew tat not wat i wan
i can nvr imagine coming home with a empty house...

no matter how much i say i hate her
but i still cant bear to accept it
her health is one thing to worry abt
n i dun understand why other support her
i rather hope i am the one instead of her...

Maybe we're friends
Maybe we're more
Maybe it's just my imagination
But I see you stare just a little too long
And it makes me start to wonder...

2008-11-28T22:16:00.003+08:00

i am reali very tired
too tired of guessing the motive of his action
too tired of all the hearing here n there
too tired of seeking for the answer...

i say berline wont lose herself over him
but here i am losing myself.
everything mention out of my mouth was his name
even up to the extend
i suspect he likes my frenz.

Quarrel had been stirred,
Discussion had been chat,
Guesses had been suspect
but no answer was been made.
if he even know, will he even show?

今天寂寞感覺忽然又出現
哭泣是因為不想偽裝悲傷那一面
我不要找藉口而只想一人走掉
把愛留在街角就當你永遠不會看到
但我发觉我还是做不到

2008-11-27T23:11:00.002+08:00

quite lazy to post tis few days
maybe will stop posting for a moment...

have been poning class half way for the past fews days
i just have no mood to study
went out with frenz until night time
but i still dun feel lyk going home...

everyday i had to listen to all those shit
making me so reluctant to go home
or maybe i shld call it a hotel instead...
now i know tat in order to survive in tis family
the only way is to be independent
bcoz no one will give a damn about what you do...
since you say you wont care anymore
den it is time for me to get independent
but you will hav no control over my life anymore...
i had enough! Not Anymore!

我不敢期望太大，因为怕到头来是我自己想太多
除非他自己承认真的喜欢我，否则我另可保持现在这样
I was afraid i will lose myself even before i know the answer.

2008-11-24T23:35:00.005+08:00

Super tiring today...
obviously not enough rest during weekend
feel so restless...

cog lesson today again
the super hyper n mother like faci
but i dun understand anything today.
the problem just make me so confused
wanted to run off halfway
lucky i didn bcoz my grade was shitty enough...

yuki was not here today again
so cant go out after sch...
class finish early
so i went home after finishing RJ
but to find my ezlink missing after boarding the bus
at first i thought i lost it
until later den i know dom took it. dotz.
but lucky it is not lost
if not mother will kill me...
anyway i gt it back=]

Draw by dom. smile=P

Found a super nice web. so cute!
http://www.mlzx.org/love/1001/index.htm

我期待每天看到他，只要他能天天开心，我就满足了。

2008-11-23T23:18:00.012+08:00

wohoo! fashion show again today...
late again today
was suppose to meet 11.45am
but i reach woodland at 12plus
so sorry people!

went to sch to do the makeup for SJ
before the bus fetch us to tao payoh hub
the show start at 4.00pm
n compared to the previous show
tis time round was obviously better

.Our model: Siew Jun.

.Artists: Me n Yuki.

.Models in the bus.

SJ on stage!

End of the show...

I told my kor tis today
just to stop him for badmouth him
bcoz kor say maybe he is a coward...

"If you reali like someone
it is not about saving ur face or not
but it is about having the courage to admit it
n going for it or not..."

it dun sound lyk something berline will say
bcoz i know even if i hav the courage to admit it
but i dun hav the courage to go for it...
does it mean i shld just give up on him?
or shld i wait n let time do the job?

2008-11-23T22:55:00.004+08:00

sister outing again!

accompany yuki go buy new year clothings tis time round...

first we went to bugis

to collect the hoodie

den we went to the temple for praying

hope wat i pray can come truth=]

next we went to orchard

start off from far east

when we went for desert at SLICE

we order Summer Fling n Major Crush.

i love Major Crush for its name n sweetness

but Summer Fling also quite nice

i want to eat tis deserts again!

anyone want to accompany me go eat? hehe...

after eating then we went around orchard

meet dom around 8 plus

den we walk around until 10 plus

before going to bedok for dinner

thought i could catch the last 87 bus home

but the last bus went off at 11.30pm

in the end had to take cab home...

2008-11-21T21:50:00.005+08:00

damn fuck up today
shld not mention why here
was in such a bad mood
tat i push everyone away
i am sry if i offended anyone
but stay away from me today
if u ar trying to make things harder for me...

went to sch today
but went off half way
bad mood just spoil everything...

i finally let everything out today
told yuki who the rainbow prince is...
after wat happen
i dunno wat to think anymore
i couldn guess the objective behind his words
neither can i confirm anything...
i wan to apologise tat i lie to yuki at first
not bcoz i dun treat her as frenz
or dun trust her
but is bcoz i cannot confirm anything
or trying to convince myself there is no such thing...
hope she can forgive me
n we will stay as wat we use to be...
tis issue is the onli thing i hide from you
reali so sorry!

The letter B for Berline.

She Pormised She Wont Lose Herself.

2008-11-20T23:58:00.003+08:00

Someone Please Tell Me What Happen.

tiring day today
woke up late tis morning
so late that i was for sure late for UT
so i decided not to go sch
n ended up slacking at mac with yuki again...
went off to tampines for shopping after tat
went around until 5 plus before heading home...

before it is known
i wan to know what happen
after it is known
i hope i nvr know or ask in the first place...
izzit i done something wrong
or izzit she think too much?
i wanted an explanation
but i dun dare to ask
can someone tell me wat reali happen?

2008-11-19T23:34:00.005+08:00

Forget All The Unhappiness.

very bad morning for today
firstly i woke up late than usual
rush to prepare and quickly get out
when secondly i saw three accidents
just on the way to sch
and in the end i was still late

faci was not here today
and tat blur faci is taking us for three weeks!
just when i step out of the lift
i feel lyk turning back when i haven even step into the class
tat faci just dun care...
i leave at the third meeting to meet yuki n her sis at CW
went to borrow some books before she arrive
after which we when to MOS for lunch
before heading back to sch for the rehearsal

went to orchard after rehearsal
with yuki, her sis, dom n ricca
found a pair of heel i like from 'wardrode'
but in the end drop the idea of buying
bcoz other than spending money on food
i wan to save up the money from christmas shopping
so waiting for their new design heel...

i dunno to say it is a gd or bad shopping trip today
but to people who know
it is nobody fault
so forgive n forget if there is something u unhappy abt
dun think too much=]

on the way home something just caught me thinking
sometime people hav different views on you
but when u think they know u
actually they didn know the real you
it is not bcoz they didn try to know
but it is urself been afraid to let others know
just like deep down inside
you know there is something u hav been protecting
something tat no one know...

我已经不知如何想我和他之间的关系
只有能让心和他带着我走
He the only one who can bring happy to my life everyday
just like a rainbow, the rainbow prince=]

2008-11-17T21:36:00.003+08:00

Everything Just Occur At The Wrong Timing.

things just happen out of no where
one moment we ar just frenz
one moment u ask for a patch
i am not blaming on you
but think back abt wat u say
even u didn kiss or touch her at all
but why choose to turn back to me
onli after u broke up with gf?
ur words dun give me any trust
let alone be with you
further more i already had someone in mind
so hope u can understand daryl
n pls stop making both of us feeling guilty

the whole day was fine until moment ago
my mood was just so fuck up
n i reali feeling lyk crying
why the person wasnt tat someone i hope for?
so far i had rejected three person
n i am still hoping for tat particular someone
i dunno how long can i hold on anymore
everytime i feel lyk giving up
ur little words or action pull me back
u got the ability to cheer me up fully
which Ed could nvr done it
but u also got the ability to send me back to depress
just with thinking of the ans i seeking for...
pls do not treat me tat gd
unless if you reali like me
bcoz i might not able to wait till the ans is reveal...

damn tired today
feel lyk sleeping the moment i sit on the bed
but lesson was fun today
was glad tat i stay
at least the faci try out something new
not the old style of ppt again...

had been looking for new songs recently
some ar super nice
with meaningfull lyrics
which touched one heart
can one day those lyrics touched his heart too?

我到地能够坚持到你给我答案的那天吗?

2008-11-16T23:28:00.002+08:00

Haunt Of Nightmares. Feeling Of Losing Something.

deaths dreams are common
Nightmares are rare
since long time i had one of it
ytd was one of those type i hate most...

in the dream a man was chasing after me
he was cover with dark blue blood
n i was carry baby vienna in my hand.
i wanted to pass vienna to someone
but everyone refused to help even mummy.

sleep until 12 plus today
had to wake up countless times during the night
bcoz of the nightmares
everything leaving me the feeling of helpless
as if i lose something...

stay home the whole day
bcoz sun is the onli day where there is peace
bro went swimming
so at least i could enjoy the quiet for a while...
i was ask by mummy to skip sch tml
so that i can go bro sch with her
normally i would be so happy to heard tat
but dunno why i feel so reluctant tis time
hai shld i skip or not?

had been quite forgetful recently
was suppose to tell Yh ytd morning
whether i want to go out with her ytd anot
but i onli remember it just now
when daryl ask abt celebrate my birthday
n i totally forgot abt my birthday
if it wasnt daryl who remind me...
hai seriously my thought was not here
so consider n prepare before toking to me ppl
dunno anyone to vomit blood toking to me...

有人说聪明女孩别陷入恋爱里
会变多疑，会常生气，变得失去自己。

有人说过爱情不如想象那样甜蜜
我却无法戒掉爱情，整个世界都是你。

2008-11-14T00:31:00.003+08:00

Self-Assumption Kills.

his gd deed to get close
become something i use to kill myself
when u assume something to turn out this way
but it turn out opposite
no matter how it bring u down
ppl around u still hope u can move on
but wat if i am stuck at tis confused state?

today mood was just as bad as ytd night
woke up with dizzy
when everything before me went blur
went out the house at usual time
n took the usual bus
but bcoz of the jam at expressway
in the end had to miss the UT...

lesson was obviously bad too
cant understand a single thing at all
was thinking of going of halfway
but didn wan to go home tat early
so choose to stay...

the dizzyness was still there for the whole day
even until now
the moment i look down
it become damn giddy...
Ed say i got low blood pressure
but i doubt so
was ask to try curing using panadol
so went to the booklink to buy
n pop down 2 panadol
but in the end is still the same...
hai hopefully i dun get sick at tis point of time

除非你真的喜欢我
否则求你不要对我那么好
因为我会很容易就喜欢上你

2008-11-12T20:45:00.003+08:00

Misses For Him. Hatred For Myself. Feeling So Stupid.

reali hate myself for been so stupid
already promised not to cry again
but i just lost control
letting the hurt from all those years overtake me
causing those tears to free flow once more...

the ans i seeking for seem to appear
he treat other girls the same way he treat me
n if i am not wrong
he even got someone he like...
i feel so stupid to fall for him
just bcoz he treat me gd,
letting me forget the hurt tat idiot cause,
making me stand up n get on my day
just for the seek of seeing him.
but now every hope just crush
dropping my mood to the lowest point
letting all the hurt drowned me in my tears...
can someone pls save me n take me away?

lesson was gd today
although the problem was difficult
we had to use simultaneous equations to solve it
which i hate amaths so much
but we still manage to finish it on the spot...
yuki didn come sch today
bcoz of her sudden swollen eye
hope she can get well soon
n come on fri for the fashion show...

不管我有多么伤心
但还是想着他
我到底应该放弃吗?

2008-11-11T22:33:00.003+08:00

No appetite. Tired. Self-torture.

today record is 25 hrs without food
i seriously got no appetite to eat
lazyness is just an excuse
forcing myself to eat is reali self-torture
other than nutrisoy n lollipop,
i take nth else...

class was gd today
got help from frenz for all the references
anyhow do, anyhow go
faci was very detail in everything
but lucky we manage to slip pass anyway...

super tired of thinking
although i keep telling myself there is nth to worry abt...
he seem so near yet so far
impossible to be reach
although i was in front of him
but he would nvr know how i feel abt him...
seeing him make me contented
but thinking more deeply make me confused
i couldn guess the ans i was seeking for
neither did i hav the courage to assume it
onli hoping one day the ans will reveal itself
bringing all the mixed feeling bolted inside away
returning the happiness i long for again

我总是装做无所谓
但其实十分在乎他
有再好条件的男生追
但满脑子都依然是他

2008-11-11T01:00:00.005+08:00

tis blog is seriously dead!
as dead as the owner is...
although i do post everyday
but it is lyk a routine
repeating those acts i did again n again everyday...

today lesson was on cognitive,
problem is about metaphors
n lastly the mother like faci...
was late for class again
including the mon blue tat throw me off mood
plus didn sleep at all last night
bcoz i was not used to the new pillow...

the faci try to make lesson interesting again...
was ask to discribe a person using metaphor
n the person i got was ricca...
seriously i was damn stress
bcoz of my bad eng
n i dunno wat to write at all
but in the end it came out still manageable...
mine was discribe by dom,
i dunno wat to say but thx anyway=]
overall today lesson was not bad
but hope it will be better for tml...

no appetite at all...
last meal since ytd noon
it been 30 hrs without food
n obviously i broke my record again...

something i want to say will be say...
confirming thing before saying it
bcoz i respect you as a frenz
n not bcoz i trying to hide something...
those mixed feeling bolted inside
nid more time to be sorted out
but i admit tat i had a crush on tat "someone"

就算我们有缘分相遇
那就代表我们就敢主动去保握吗?
虽然喜欢他但却不敢接近
也无法知道他是如何看待自己
最后只能站在原地
等待缘分的安排。。。

2008-11-09T20:15:00.004+08:00

cleaning up day!
wake up around 11plus...
hav mac for breakfast cum lunch
before i start cleaning up the whole house.

it hav been months since i last do housework.
first i change my bedsheet,
bring all my bearbear for washing,
vacuum the floor den beg father to mop the floor
n lastly to clean up the messy desktop.
after seeing how dirty the house is
i seriously dunno what the use of having a maid at home
other than looking after vienna n helping mummy cook
plus auntie always take thing n nvr put it back!
hai but cant blame her also
bcoz she is unlucky to hav such a bad owner[my cousin]
who fav habit is to ask the maid eat maggie noodle
unlike mummy who dote on her so much la...

went out for dinner with mummy
also to collect my contact lens!
i am so used to wear contact lens out
so it is super weird when i wear spec out.
the person say had some white spot
but was removed
so after 3 month must bring it back for checking=]

因为有他才让我期待明天的到来。。。

2008-11-07T21:15:00.004+08:00

it is so hard to just ask for some peace?
after a long day out at school
i still hav to come home to heard her nagging...
sometime i reali think she is a failure as a mother
bcoz other than cooking the meal for family
she reali hope she can dun bother abt other thing
n the inproper handling of the financial by her
in the end had to been taken up by me...

every words of her just turn my mood around
from happy to hatred...
sometime i reali hope i can stay out until midnight
so tat at least i had peace outside
but i was onli 2 hrs late for home
n she had to give me moment of hell...

pls stop treating me like a child, mummy!
i dun nid u to give me all the things i want,
but all i ask for is just quiet time when i return home.
how many times i wanted to tell u to stop ur nonsense
but i just cant bring myself to say it out
bcoz i respect u as my mother
but did u respect me as ur daughter?
you vent ur stress n anger on us,
making the house so noisy everyday
but think back,
izzit all this cause by the wrong choice of yours?
i hope i still will be calling u mummy for the rest of my life,
not till i choose to leave everything behind n move
den there will be no turning back
bcoz i am tired n i had enough...

wake up damn early today.
agree to meet up for breakfast before sch
so had to force myself to wake up early
but in the end i was still late

lesson was gd today.
problem was easy to understand
n the faci didn confused but convince today haha...
den meet up with the supplier after sch
suppose to meet 5.30pm
but she was late until 6.30pm
anyway i got my new bag!!!

PS: about stranger tag,
i can onli say tat my post got nth to do with SpadeS.
that person i wrote abt is not SpadeS
bcoz i got nth to do with SpadeS anymore
neither do i even wan to mention abt him.
SpadeS is FOREVER gone in berline's life
so pls do not mention abt him again.
i got my new life=]

一整天, 每分每秒, 想着的人都是他。。。

2008-11-06T22:51:00.007+08:00

can someone tell me wat exactly happen to me?
had not been myself tis few days
or rather not in the right mind
seem lyk my thought had wander somewhere
to a place where i dun dare to admit

since holiday start till now
my thought had not been there
even simple thing would hav been misinterpret
for example last fri i ask BC how to go her sch from AMK hub

Me: "How do i get to ur sch(NYP) from AMK hub?"

BC: "Take 159 from the stop outside AMK hub. The stop got S11 behind it."

Me: "huh? so i take S11 la?"

BC: "S11 is the coffee shop behind the stop la!"

it is so stpuid la
even yuki keep laughing when i told her...
i think i reali nid to stop toking to ppl if tis go on
if not everyone reali going to vomit blood from toking to me...

hav science UT today again
all dunno how to do except the bio part
i had prepare to fail it hai...

lesson was damn bored today
although i got a evil but funny faci
he look lyk a childish man[老玩童]
but too bad i dun even understand the problem statement
so i wasnt interested at all...

was super low mood until Ed brighten me up...
although he didn manage to cheer me up totally
bcoz of some reason which onli he know
but still had to thx him for chatting with me
at least he make me smile for tat day...
i apologized i cannot promised him tat i will be happy
bcoz onli tat "someone" can reali cheer me up
but i can onli promised i will try=]

属于我的昨天之前的结局
我决定我的决定

属于我的明天之后的憧憬
我迷信我的迷信

属于我们的爱
该来的就会来的

无论何时何地
心情是否好坏
都希望可以和他在一起
而我相信的又会是真的吗?
就算我成认我真的很想他
他会不会知道或在乎?

2008-11-05T00:05:00.003+08:00

late again for sch as usual
UT was quite ok
but bcoz was late tat why didn manage to complete it...
enterprise lesson today was ok too
but went off during second breakout
didn did it on purpose
partly i was restless
i shall not mention why
the annoucement of presenting at the lecture hall also throw me off mood
plus the sudden of gastic pain again...
25hrs before my last meal
which is since ytd first breakout
i practically break my record again...
hav been wasting food since the habit came back
since no mood to eat
den might as well save up the money...

went to library to find yuki after leaving class
we manage to complete one row of the bag
although it is a bit loose...
den went to causeway happily shopping
until after i board the bus to go home
den i find something missing...
bcoz if my carelessness
i left someone form in the class
n i feel so stupid n helpless out of sudden
dunno i shld turn back to get it or not...
sms for help in case the cleaner throw it away
but den most of them not in sch or nvr reply
lucky thx wenxi for finding the form n help me keep it
if not mummy would hav kill me if i reali lose it...

anyway i got to complete the bag asap
hope to finish it by fri...
maybe i can even make more deisng n sell if possible=]

是时候我醒醒看清楚现实
不是我的永远都不会是我的
天真自以为的事
其实都是一场空
我无法猜出他的想法
如果是我单恋也只会带来痛苦
而放弃是最好的方法
是注定的话就算放弃也最后会在一起

2008-11-04T00:40:00.003+08:00

today is first day of sch reopen again...
it is a miracle that i nvr think of going off halfway at all
at least the faci is interesting=]

lesson was ok but others thing was not
first i spill something on myself during break
even without me knowing how i do it...
second i wanted to ask wenxi for cog ppt
in the end i ask for sci ppt without knowing...
plus i am not the onli weird one
kor was worst among all...
he freak me out with tat three sudden words on msn
i wont mention wat he say
but pls dun do tat again next time
anyway the lesson end late again...
bought a packet of transparent straws on my way home
n i going to made a bag/ purse out of straws

same pattern as tis onli the design is different...
it took me 3 hrs to search online on how to do it
plus another 1 hrs figuring how to apply it using straw
but hope i can finish it on time=]

我把信念交给缘分，一切都靠天意吧。。。

2008-11-02T23:22:00.003+08:00

tiring day today!
didn sleep well last night
bcoz SM stay overnight
n she insist of sleeping on the same bed with me
in the end i was waken up so many times...
firstly is partly i not used it
secondly is bcoz she toss around lyk she dunno she is not sleeping alone...
always regret after sharing bed with her but nvm...

went out around 1pm to meet yuki n LL
den we went sch for preparation
bcoz today is the big event for the fashion show!
it is the first time i do makeup for someone la
mummy say i dun even put makeup for myself
later the person sure die one
but it came out ok i guess
at least not as bad as the one on makeup workshop hehe...
yuki did the hairstyle
she is so pro not onli in designing but also in styling

the show took place at woodland CC
it was a success but not a very gd one
bcoz all the model do their catwalk super fast
even photographer do not hav the enough time to take their pics
but overall is still ok

after the event finish we went our own way
rush home to go dinner with mummy
n i bought a new dress again!
it is from dunno korean/japan
plus it got my got my fav style...checkered!
anyway i wanted to bought a sandal also
but dun hav my size
so mummy order it n will get it on wed hehe=]

每次我总是一个人走
会不会有一天他会和我一起走
带走我一个人自转的寂寞。。。
sometime i reali wonder is it possible
feeling tell me to go ahead
brain tell me to stop
maybe he dun even know wat i was thinking
even if he know there might not be any outcome
may everything be leave in the hand of fate
wat shld happen will always come
think too much will onli bring misery...

2008-10-31T23:58:00.001+08:00

happy day again!
wake up onli at 12noon...
help mummy to do the work
which she help auntie siew do
all we hav to do is to seal the side of the cupboard
n make 1000 boxes = $10
had to complete the work as fast as possible
so i was ask to seal before going out...

went out around 6pm to watch angie band concert
was suppose to hav dinner with YH first before going
but bcoz both of us was late
so we bought donut instead
den meet Bc n her bf at AMK hub
after which we walk to NYP...

anyway we reach there on the spot
the concert start at 7.30pm
angie was in string group[thrid violin]
so hers performance is the first 3 songs...
the concert was seriously gd
but we didn finish watching everything
BC n her bf wanted to leave earlier
bcoz bth of them is falling asleep
den me n YH went off with them too
bcoz both of us was so damn hungry
YH didn had her dinner n i didn eat anything for the whole day...
in the end BC n her bf went home
den me n YH went to hav mac before heading home...

seriously i am reali glad tat i wasnt from NYP
first is tat the sch reali look lyk hospital
esp when it was at night
it look reali scary with the long, quiet n empty corridoor...
second is during the performance
although we didn know whether ppl is from NYP
but shouting here n there during the performance reali throw ppl mood off
i still lyk the concert from YH's sch
it look more lyk a FORMAL concert!!!

anyway i enjoy going out today
able to meet those girls again
but i had to come home with a limp
including a bleeding toe=[
all bcoz of tat stupid heels
got to get a new pair of heels soon...

2008-10-29T23:52:00.000+08:00

went to sch for rehersal today
so late again!
sms to meet yuki at inter
by the time i reach inter is already 2pm
thought i will kill me for been late
but when i reach inter she is not there!!!
she was even worst...
she overslept n reach sch onli around 3 plus...

so me n lianli went sch first...
the rehersal was a funny one though
not trying to offend anyone
but some of them look weird doing catwalk
esp the guys...
anyway it was ok in the end
n the rehersal end early
so me, yuki n lianli went to mac to fill up our stomach
obviously bcoz we haven eaten anything for the whole day!!!

2008-10-28T23:55:00.000+08:00

two days nvr post le
obviously bcoz i am too lazy
or i am so tired to post...

sun whole day stay home slack
nth much except for chatting online
n playing games the whole day...

monday was suppose to meet yuki
but i was drag to bugis for praying
together with mummy, bro, SM n her mother
after tat we went to SM house
until 10plus at night den her father send us home...

wake up by mummy 7am in the morning today
bcoz she thought i got sch...
so fall back asleep until vienna wake me up again

meet yuki at TM
was again super late...
went to hav lunch
before going to her house
to finish the design for tml uses...

one of her design was to make a bubble skirt
n had to fold many small paper balls...
we took 3 hrs n onli manage to fold 30
it is such a failure la...
plus fold until hand pain n eye blur blur...
at first wanted to find ppl help us
but couldn find anyone who stay near by
so we fold as much as we can
the remaining one yuki had to burn midnight oil to finish...

some ppl just so brainless
n tat just stop their childish acts...
if both decided to go go separt ways
den wat for nid to block the other partie way?
they like to dug up old thing
just to make the other partie guilty
or in other words to make themselves feel better...
my suggestion to SpadeS is to go n think abt
who is blocking whos way now
before u hav the dare to come n tag my blog...

每当我的脑海里出现他时，我脸上就会不知不觉地出现了笑容。。。

2008-10-25T19:24:00.002+08:00

wat is the real meaning of home?
the home i wan is a safe n quiet place
where u can leave out all ur stress
n rest whenever u feel so tired
but wat is my home?
it is a place tat make me more stress
with all the noises everyday
if it is not tat i nid a place to sleep
i wont wan to stay a second longer
reali wish i can move out asap...

wake up 12plus today
got no choice but to stay home for the rest of the day
hate whenever i had to stay home
everytime end up quarreling with mummy
she say as long as there is a single day we had to eat n drink hers
den it is a must we listen to her
so is it tat as long as i dun hav to depend on her
den she will not interfer with my life anymore?
i had been keeping low profile of wat i do
just to let myself off her control
she think she know everything abt me
but actually she know nth at all
even lesser than wat my frenzs know abt...

pls know ur limited of control
i am not a kid anymore
dun force me until the day i left
den i wont be ur daughter u ever know
n i wont be back anymore..

为什么有他的存在就会让我很开心，但如果他不在我身边时我就会闷闷不乐呢？

2008-10-24T23:21:00.002+08:00

was super late for school today
got jam all the way from sengkang to woodland
so went mac for breakfast with yuki
before going to sch for second meeting...

the problem today is super hard
or shld i say i dun understand it
bcoz i am not fully awake yet...
almost wanted to leave after second meeting
but stay in the end to help those guys do ppt
i am sry the ppt was such a bad one
the faci say it is too short hai...
stay in sch until 5 plus
waited for the person to call to collect the bags
in the end 4 of the bag haven arrived
including the one i order
so disappointing la...

rush off to meet YH, BC n LLT at compass
den went to mac for dinner
i had been eating mac for the whole day
sure going to grow fat lor...
we chatted for a while before ruth came
when she happen to saw her classmate
n her classmate BF happen to be shawn from my class la!!!
so damn surprising sia...
the world is so small la...
den we went walk walk after leaving mac
BC went to POPULAR to buy her stationary
n we got nth to shop
so i went to deposite money
before heading home...

was super tired today
but was a super happy day too
long time since i meet up with u girls
hope we meet up soon again=]

是不是我想太多，那可能是我一时的误解吗？

2008-10-23T20:44:00.001+08:00

i was glad i attended class today
almost didn wan to go...
yuki didn attend today anyway
ask her come but she refused to get up...
pls start coming on thur yuki!
if not reali hav to retake next year...

today topic is on DNA
toking abt the deform of red blood cell
and it even can cause cancer!
i was wonder whether G6PD counted?
if yes does it mean i hav a higher chance getting cancer?
maybe i was thinking too much...
condition of my health shld be decided by heaven
i onli live my life as i wan=]

chat with Yh n Jac today again...
at first was toking abt Yh problem
but the conversation got drag away
n it happen to fall on my recent problem
so i told them wat happen...
it is first time i told someone the whole truth
other than blogging here...
it reali make me feel much better
n reali thx so much u girls...
i think they ar the onli one i can say it all out to
reali glad to hav them...

i know i am a introvert
hard to get close or understand
other than those close frenz
i wont say anything tat is over my comfort zone
onli those try to get close ar ppl i will ever trust...
like wat other ppl say
there is some many guy out there
u shld just let go on someone not worth it
n i must admit it is true of what they say...
once going onto the online world
i become another person
a person who is the opposite of the reality self
n i can find a bf easily
but do those ppl reali understand me?
i bet it is not
so why bother to waste the time?
if i was going to hav a bf again...
i learn to observe how much the person reali understand me
n how close the person is with me before deciding=]

他不会知道他的主动，对我的心情会有什么影响。。。

2008-10-22T22:18:00.002+08:00

smooth for today...
instead i shld say it is a pleasant day
finally my mood go for a change
not totally back to my old self
all least it is not as bad as the days before
but I am super sleepy!

attended school today
obviously bcoz there is UT today
almost late but i got there on the spot...
lesson was damn hard today
i could onli understand the first part
but couldn figure out the second part
in the end i gave up all...
told the faci i got something on
n went home early after presenting

the moment i step into home
the pleasant mood just vanish
seeing the chao of the house
sometime i reali wish i can moved out asap
ppl in tis house make life miserable for each other
ever since the day mummy wan to chase me out
i swear tis was not my home anymore
n i will sure moved out no matter wat...
she can make watever empty promises again
but i am not going to tolerate anymore
just lyk my words hit her straight today
bcoz she is just so guitly conscious

i decided to join the fashion show
at first was lack of model
but in the end manage to ask lianli and siewjun to be our model
n yuki was the backup herself...
pls do not last min blackout ppl
I wont wan Elena to force me
Neither wont u wan to see a no look, no figure n ugly model on stage=]
the show will be held on 2nov
at woodland CC...
hope everything will goes well
at least i can keep my mind occupy for the sch holiday

letting off the problem
i got onli one thing in mind
something tat i cannot predict the outcome...
he seem near yet so far
i dun hav the courage to get near
onli hope he will be fine with everything...

他的小小主动的现象
让我感觉到他为人的好
但当我有点想靠近时
那些现象却不见了
而我却不敢主动靠近
只能站在原地

2008-10-21T19:18:00.002+08:00

wat is past is past le...
some ppl just dun understand anything
n all they know is use their bloody words
to poke at other ppl wound
blocking the way of moving on...

i had pay the price...
using tis relationship as a bet
to force him to study
in the end everyone say it was my fault
since u ppl disapproved of my way
so why dun u ppl help him in the first place?

he had already moved on
happily with his new gf...
den why cant i move on too?
everyone tell me to ignore those comment
but is it possible for me to reali ignore it?
i tried but i am reali so tired...

class as usual today...
wasnt late n i did attend sch
dun reali hav the mood
but i stay until the last meeting anyway...
someone play tat song 'guardian angel' during break time
it just hit me so strong tat i wanted to cry
letting me hate myself for been so stupid...

rush off to IG after class
onli a few ppl attended the meeting
had some event in the holidays
cant decide to join anot with my current mood
but 6CE point is a super gd chance...

i cant stop thinking on my way home
the feeling of crying bolt up again..
reali hope tat someone can lend me the shoulder to cry on
n after tat i will be back to the old berline
OR...
is there a kind of medicine
tat can make me sleep until 31dec
before waking up to celebrate my 17birthday
to start a fresh new life
treating everything just lyk a dream...
althought i know it is impossible
but i dunno how to make my mood better anymore...

我不知道为何我那么在乎他的所作所为，但我知道是不可能的。。。

PS: this is the last time i am going to post something related to
him(spades) , so do not relate wat i post to him anymore bcoz
i am over with him n pls get ur fact right before commenting
next time, if not den mind ur own business.
i got my limit, dun blame me for been nasty!

2008-10-20T19:00:00.004+08:00

it was raining so heavily outside
while i was writing this post
i just wish i could stand in the rain
hiding the tears amoung the raindrops
letting the droplets drain my doubt away
to stop me from thinking nonstop...

i dunno why i feel so fuck up today
lyk something hanging in my heart
the desire to get close
but yet i know it so impossible
or rather i dun hav the courage to...
i just feel so useless
letting it destroy my mood
taking my smile away...

monday blue again
wasnt late for sch
but didn go sch again
simply i really not in the mood...
i dunno how long tis is going to last
neither did i know the old berline will be back or not...

slack at mac again
was busy engross in my playing n chatting
until i was going to buy my drink
den i notice the guy sitting opposite me staring
it is so damn uncomfortable with him staring la
so i diao him hopping he stop
but it make no use la
he just look lyk prevert staring la
so i told yuki...
she turn around to give the guy tat look
n change place to sit beside me haha
then she start nagging to go tampine to buy siew jun present
but i dun feel lyk getting up
so i let her nag for 1 hour
before i pack up to go

we ended up at causeway point instead of tampine mall...
bought a bear necklace for SJ
n i bought a letter 'B' necklace for myself
before finally heading back home...

mummy ask for help again!
everytime i had to settle tis type of problem...
heard she got nose bleed again
tis not the first time already
sure something was wrong
so how can i not help her settle?
although i reali dislike helping her
but overall she is still my mother...
we nvr know whether or when it will spread
wat if one day she is gone out of sudden
would tis family still survived?
hai i could onli help to lessen her worries
let her live more happily...

2008-10-19T23:21:00.000+08:00

some ppl say he was trying to make thing gd
onli tat it was me tat didn give him chance...
some ppl say tat he already give it all up
onli tat it was me the silly one who cant move on...
depend ppl had different view on tis relationship
i heard enough, seen enough, heard enough...
for those who tag to give advice
i could onli say it is over and i dun wan to mention it again
for those who tag to scold me
i can onli say i dun give a heck
bcoz i got enough
it is all too tiring...
to stop myself from stop thinking
i got to pay a high price...
i dunno how long i could stand
just hope i wont break down so soon...

hai slack at home for weekend again
yuki got to work
plus i am too lazy to get out
sleep until 12 plus before i finally get off the bed
i got no appetite at all
either i eat but i cannot even finish half bowl of rice
or haven eat i already feel lyk vomit
so as yuki suggested
i shld just save up the money...

went to library to borrow books again
long time since i read
but bcoz tired of mummy nagging me to offline every night
i decided to switch to reading
so she will keep quiet n leave me alone...

2008-10-18T01:14:00.002+08:00

skip, skip, skip!
skip sch again...
bcoz i just refused to get up
sms yuki n she say she not going too
so we decided to continue sleeping
den meet up later...
went to tampine to look for her
at first wanted to go city hall
but bcoz she got work at night
so we ended up at tat 'i so dun wan to go' place
i admit i was so bored tat why no choice lor...
then we went to watch the movie 'butterfly lovers'
before she head off to work...

feel lyk crying suddenly on the way home
it just came out of no where
so many question arise recently
it is just like giving me the chance to shut myself up again
just lyk the past...

lastly...
sry Yh tat i didn meet you today
n u hav to make a wasted trip to CP
bcoz i was very late
but we will meet up soon with others=]

2008-10-16T18:28:00.004+08:00

i did go to sch today
but was late as usual
plus got UT today
lucky was onli late for 2 min
but no different from missing the UT la
bcoz i cannot even ans a single question la...

today science topic is abt Heredity...
i was doing some research when some question pop up in my mind
but the worst question tat keep me thinking is
why both of my parent dun hav G6PD but i happen to got it?
yuki say maybe my grandparent hav it
so it is also present in my father blood...
although i know one of my cousin hav G6PD too
but wat i dun understand is tat
if it is present in my father blood
den why my father is not G6PD deficiency?
bcoz if i am not wrong onli women will be G6PD carriers...
i also find out G6PD symptoms include weak pulse
so maybe it explain why my pulse is onli 13
when a person shld be abt 100
but i cannot confirm it is right la...
although i am very interested in those question
but i wont ask my mother
bcoz since young when i ask her
she will onli say there is something missing in my blood...
who know there is some truth behind i dun wan to know
so let it be ba...it all my fate...

ok i shld go grab something to eat le
haven eaten since ytd
plus mummy is nagging away
but nvm la since i am on diet hehe...

2008-10-15T16:58:00.006+08:00

super good mood today
watever...
i gave it all up
no more missing of him
no more thinking of him
no more him in my life anymore
i decided to move on
maybe who know i find someone who is more worth it?
even if i cannot find
i wont regret too...
i know who is good to me, who is bad to me
just hope everyone around will be happy
so let everything be in the hand of fate ba=]

i am so sorry i skip sch again!
was late at first
but as usual yuki waited for me at inter...
she was so sick la
lyk she was going to lose her voice soon...
sms wenxi but she say she headache not going sch
so dun nid to say i also know wat yuki thinking
cant be so cruel to leave someone sick alone
so both of us slack at mac again
waiting for 4pm to come so tat yuki can collect the ipoh den i can go home
lucky the person can meet earlier
if not i am reali going to bored to death at mac
so she collect the ipoh at 3pm
den finally i can home sweet home...

PS: ed say i am like a ice mountain...am i reali so hard to be moved? haha~

2008-10-14T19:12:00.002+08:00

sometime ppl know how to look at the fault of others
but do they know how to know back at their own?
he say he didn insult me
instead he say it was me the one
den wat is all those words he say when all he want is $40
so i am scolded for nth la
i must admit tat i was very firm on him
and he let me do wat i wan
but the motive behind is the patch
once he give up
he start to treat u lyk another person
giving the watever hell he could...
he say he get the pic tat winning is not everything
doesn it reflect on his behaviour now?
maybe tat also why he choose to give up
i am onli saying it once and clearly...
if berline wan to win over this relationship
she could hav give u hell on ur worst moment
and dump u long ago
and not wait until u take ur revenge of giving her hell
but the person she thinking of still doesn change at all!

wake up 1 plus today
obviously i didn go to sch
and miss Ut again!
not tat i dun wan go
just tat not feeling well
plus seriously not in the mood
stay home all day watch show
at least it help me kill time
n shift my concentration onto the show...

2008-10-13T20:29:00.002+08:00

it make no sense at all...
read his post but dun get it
why try to be nice when he choose to insult her at first?
do u treat the girl good den dump her den insult her?
or u dump her den insult her den treat her gd?
i ask yuki this question
and she say so that at least can be frenz
den my question now is tat since you dun intend to treat her gd
den why wan to make her fall in love you at the first palace?

u took her away...
make her fall in love with you...
give her all the memories...
start all ur nonsense...
dump her...
wan to patch with her...
but end up insult her...
after tat ask for a chance again...
but still give up in the end...
den insult her and give her hell...
lastly den try to nice to her...
after all is everything just a game to him?

late as usual today
got a so 'i dun wan go class' feeling
but went anyway...
class was as per normal
onli the faci was hyper
n i was not toking much
bcoz i was half awake la...
end class late today
but still get home to give my niece her sweet
bcoz i bought my fav meiji sweet again=]

2008-10-11T13:52:00.003+08:00

had one of those death dream again
person who die who not me this time...
in the dream someone want to shot me
but it miss and hit the one beside me inside
leaving the little girl laying in a pool of blood...
the whole dream was chao
everyone is shouting about
onli the little girl lay still like a doll...

wake up 10 plus today
cant sleep further bcoz of the extreme headache
guess i sleep too much...
once stand up
everything before my eye went blur
lyk a strong light been shine into my eyes
making my headache even worst
everyone say bcoz i think too much...
time to put it down
but the heart just wont listen
and the mind just wont stop thinking...
just like the song in my blog...

2008-10-09T21:44:00.002+08:00

insomnia get rid!
finally i can at least sleep le
still feel very tiring everyday
but thx for pei me chat at night=]

was suppose to went to sch today
bcoz got sci UT
but yuki was late
plus i didn learn a single thing
go also die one
so in the end decided to slack at mac again
went home around 1 plus bcoz i am so damn bored
i swear tis the last time i slack at mac
if not it reali going affect my result
or make me crazy bcoz of boredness...

2008-10-05T22:05:00.003+08:00

Insomnia. Indigestion. Insomnia. Indigestion.
it just feel so shitty...

Indigestion tis few days
nvr eat but still feel bloated
mummy say is bcoz i nvr eat
but it make no sense at all.

went to bed around 12 last night
toss n turn...
but i just couldn sleep
my brain cant stop thinking
the sentence keep stuck in my head
with everything else
and my eyes just refused to shut...
finally fall asleep in the morning
but kanna shock by mummy voice again
in the end cant sleep back again...
it so shitty with tat headache
but the brain just stop thinking
i rather die if tis goes on...

2008-10-03T22:39:00.005+08:00

this post is SPECIALLY writen to LEON ONG
i swear this is the last time i going to mention his name
if not den i am reali the FOOL.

since you wan to know the truth so much
den i will tell you
from the day u choose to join the company
tat where the problem arise
u rather choose something tat i dun wan u to do
than listening to me and concentrate on ur 'N'lvl
u said it all for me
but did i wan it?
from a girlfriend...
i turn out to be like ur mother
having to help ur mother control u
worst still u dun even coorperate
1 month before ur N'lvl' and u ar still no where
u dun trust me jiu suan le
u even lie to me...
u ar the one who say wan to break and now saying i am making you suffer?

i nvr forget the day...
when our parent when to sch and see ur result
u went out saying to go study outside
and ur mother call me
she told me about the incident
your mother say:
"that day i had a quarrel with leon, he was angry and smash the keyboard, after that he pin me down on the floor...i almost got kill by him. he then call kenny and james to come."

u didn even told me abt this incident...
worst still when i ask you
your explanation is:
"oh tat day quarrel with mummy den mummy smash the keyboard"

i was so angry that day
but i still hope that u didn lie to me
in the end i ask kenny for the truth
and found out wat ur mummy say is true.
ur mummy still ask me not to tell you i know abt the incident
she even hope i can help you
and be firm with you
she even say she will tried to be more nice to you
in the end u choose to blame her...
tat night we quarrel again in msn
all the way u still denied the fact
and even say want to break up...
i know you will ask for a patch again
so i make used of the patch to make u study
condition is tat u must pass ur 'N'lvl before i will consider abt it
but in the end...
u blame me for making u suffer
i had to take in ur insults
and at the same time be firm with you until ur exam is over.
i think i am the biggest fool for waiting for you for the whole 2 month
and u dun even bother to think...
I AM TOTALLY OVER WITH YOU LEON ONG.

PS: believe or not up to you!

2008-09-25T12:23:00.003+08:00

i really cannot stand it anymore
i am totally not me anymore
every part of me is break down
words keep stuck in me
repeating over and over again...

he will nvr understand why i break with him in the first place
is wat i am doing worth it?
after all he onli think he is stating the fact...
the fact of him been a victim of my game
the fault still lie in me...
the fault of listening to others so easily
thinking things can turn out good
but in the end it just GONE...
it just lyk a riddle
no way he could understand
unless he knew the way to solve...

2008-09-24T19:39:00.003+08:00

No mood...
For sch...
For anyone...
For ANYTHING.

i am totally not in the mood
been poning sch for 3 days le
but still not mood to go sch
decided to hang out
but in the end also shut myself in the room
i am totally not me...

his word keep stuck in my head
why do i hav to do this when he think he is just a victim of my game?
if he is a victim
would i hav to stead with him for 6 month?
the feeling of been accuse is so strong
i will forever rmb tat...
if he is trying to get back at me
then i must congrat him...
"you have successed...leon ong"